Not sure about order of thoughts or having "you" only in the beginning . . .
In the Kitchen with God
I do not ram my hip into your jutting corner
anymore because I know the space I take, and yours.
And when I slice the peppers by the sink, orange and
green - and sometimes red because it is my favorite - I listen
to the bird calls and that is all. The sidestep across the
tile is not a delicate dance, but an unthought-out
brushing past in my rumpled apron. I do not bother
to speak now, or even sigh, for in the silence,
the cilantro and garlic are fresh.
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1 comment:
Hey Laura, I like the form of this--I like the informality of the language and the long lines and breaks you've used. I would be careful of drama in this because it could be a subject that could lend itself to that. I.e. I wouldn't use the word "sigh" or "dance." Also "unthought-out brushing past" is a little clunky. I think you should keep working on this. It's the type "Ruminate" would like.
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